Chinese for two?

Ok, so, I am starting a new blog. I stopped a month short on the last one. I got busy, and then had an emotionally impactful moment with a cliffhanger. When the cliffhanger was resolved by non-resolution I just didn't have the heart to finish things up. Anyhoo.

Tonight it is a cool (not cold) rainy night in the foggy city. I was getting home late from work, and decided chinese takeout was a better idea than grocery shopping. I called ahead (the number IS programmed in my phone), and went to pick it up. It wasn't quite ready when I got there, so I paid and started to wait. The girl that brought it to me was sweet, and I walked back to my car enjoying the green, wet smell combined with garlic and ginger on the breeze. I got home and inside the bag I found lots of napkins, two sets of chopsticks, and two packets of soy sauce. It was assumed I had ordered chinese for two. Humph.

I have decided I don't like the work I do. I have gone around and around and around about it in my head, trying to love it, trying to be motivated to do it. My family has been SO supportive about it in every possible way, I feel like giving it up would be letting them down, especially as I am in worse financial shape than when I started this adventure. That's the worst part. The next to worst part, is that I don't have a clue what to do next. I want to find something I can be good at, and make money doing. I'm at a total loss. Everything I come up with needs a lot more education, a huge initial capital investment, or has some despicable component that I can't get beyond. I then start to feel spoiled. That leads me to the idea that I should just get over it and do something to finally, FINALLY support myself. This then makes me think I should just keep doing what I'm doing (except for someone else that would actually pay me enough to live on). I don't mean to be a downer, but this is the viscous fretting cycle I find myself in at the moment.

Ok, I'm sleepy now. I'm afraid this might have been a bit negative for a first entry, but you know...catharsis.