A two year old moment..."Nanny, A-man NEEDS your bread!!!!"

The sheep with the light off.

The rich guy counting his money.

A-man eats a "buger".

My new "kitchen cart". It was "fun" to put together, but should be very useful.

Winter in San Francisco.

The sheep with the light on.

You gotta love glow in the dark sheep.

I went to the city, cut off my finger nails, and gave a massage. There was no fungus growing out of control in the fridge, and it was nice to have a night in my own space again.

I had dinner with Mr. Urbane, and we caught up. He lost Mr. Ned recently and is still a bit sad. I will miss Mr. Ned and his purring! Other than that he seemed in good spirits and is growing a beard.

It was weird to go back to work. At this point I have mixed feelings. I want it to be over with, but I also will miss it.

I went down to Santa Cruz to have dinner with Mr. P. Coltrane last night. It was fun. We went to see Brokeback Mountain, which was beautiful and so sad. PC has a nice smile. Also, the stars in SC were BEAUTIFUL!

Oh, and I am including some photos of something I bought for Jillo and forgot to give to her. I knew she was losing sleep pre-graduating. I found a glow in the dark sheep so she could count sheep without turning the lights on. It ran away with the spoon, but showed up again recently. I'm now keeping it beside my bed for my insomnia nights. It makes me happy and I thinks of Jillo and her MAN. Speaking of, Jt- I have almost called you a few times during my insomnia nights..next time maybe I will! ;-)

You gotta love

INSOMNIA!

It is 2:34 A.M. and I am still awake. This is the second night in a row. What makes me a little nuts is that I was falling asleep on the couch at 7:30. EEK.
Anyhoo, here is a list of things I have thought about since not sleeping.
1. Turning a brief romance I had when I was nineteen into a novel or screenplay.
2. Sending Mr. Hedgehog a blowpop for his birthday as some sort of dumb spiteful thing.
3. What one does to celebrate someone's birthday when they haven't known them very long.
4. About visiting Cgrace this summer, if possible.
5. If becoming some sort of activist (again) could also be financially rewarding.
6. How one has an adult relationship by just being totally honest, and about how this means you must relinquish control.
7. Jillo and her travels, and potentially being geographically closer, and about being happy at work.
And some other stuff too.

I have been cooking like crazy over at S & B's. Some things have come out poorly, but on the whole it has been OK. I gotta stop making dessert, though, or at least work out some times. I made chili on Friday night, and after giving some to B and offering him a beer to go with it, he said, "Now WHY are you single?" [paraphrased] It was very sweet of him..

A-man became an official two year old today. Poor guy, I think he is aware his whole world is about to change (and that his Mommy doesn't feel well). Today he pitched his first real toddler hissy fit (at least that I have witnessed). He squeezed it all in...inconsolable crying, throwing things, hitting his daddy, crying through unintelligible demands, and irritated full body twitching. I think those moments are what parenting is all about. Taking those times to teach kids that emotions are good, and that it is great to express them, but that there are good and bad ways to do so. Oh, and that they aren't always going to get their way.

I also starting painting the garage today. I'm being a bit sloppy about it, but it is going to look MUCH better!

Ok, I know I'm going to have to get up early, so I'm going to lay down again. I'm off to the city tomorrow afternoon. I'll see if any funk has grown out of the fridge and taken over my apartment. ;-)

Supernova.

Got a funny feeling.
Had a totally Jillo moment yesterday. I was driving around with the windows down, it was warm, and I was listening to Fat Boy Slim. In my mind I was in TN, flying over hilly backroads in her car on a summer's day.

PColtrain showed back up, sort of. That boy is gettin' a talkin' to.

I'm just having one of those nights, I want to be at the beach, sunny, warm, going to roller coasters, and wearing flip flops. Sigh.

Inside the magic mirror ball.

A-man the fireman.

Goofy S & B.

Is that a pregnant lady on the slide?

Take note of the lump below the bum...that would be poop.

A-man waggles his tongue.

One reason pain sucks, and yet, can be productive.

So today was a good day. I got to sleep in, and then we took A-man to the children's discovery museum. When we first walked in it seemed a bit devoid of everything but kids. By this, I mean that if you took out the hundreds of kids and their parents (rainy day) it would seem kind of sparse. After about five minutes of walking around with our little smarty pants, I realized that if it had any more stuff in it that kids would start to pop. A-man, of course, adored the real ambulance and fire engine. He ended up having a nice two-year old crying moment over being dragged away from the "toss the ball down the big funnel" exhibit. What WAS there was just SO stimulating, any more would have had us all in tears.

We grabbed some take-out pizza, and headed home. Well, first I popped into a place next door to the pizza shop for a stupid-tax ticket. I swear I'll win one of these days! The people behind me [a worn and weathered man and a little girl] were buying a flask of apricot brandy, jerky, a magazine, and too much candy. What a life. When we got home A-man was down for his nap, but singing his little sleepy song. The rest of the gang ran off to buy super cool furniture, and I stayed behind. I put on a cheesy movie after determining that fixing the dining room chairs was making WAY too much noise. After about an hour this tiny, plaintive voice said, " I need miwk. I need miwk. I need miwk. Help please. Help please. Help please." I figured A-man was going to be hungry, as he'd had a light lunch. I thought that was perhaps why he wasn't sleeping. I fixed the milk situation, changed a poopy diaper, and we went through the usual reading stories/pre-nap routine. It may all have been a ploy to avoid nap time, but I really wanted to encourage him to ask for help when he needs it. Either way, half an hour later he was asleep. I sat down to finish my movie.

About fifteen minutes before the gang got home, I got cold and cranked the heat on high. It had just finished warming up as I watched the last few seconds of my movie. Well, the gang burst in and freaked out/started complaining about how hot it was. B was especially grumpy, and proceeded to give me the cold shoulder/passive aggressive how dare you turn the heat up treatment. When I asked him if he was mad at me, he was silent, then stared at me, and then mumbled, "no." [Read, "Yes."] He refused to talk to me about it, which in turn pissed me off so much I decided to leave. Now, we don't fight often, and I adore and respect him, so when things do get sour, I feel awful. At the same time, I get mad when I feel awful when I haven't done anything. As it turns out, B has been in back-pain land all day. I choose to chalk up his general bad humor to that, but I hope next time we can work things out in a more adult manner. The good thing that came out of it, was that I got so mad (had been having bad thoughts about my life all day lurking in the back of my mind) that I cried all the way back to the other house, and half way to the grocery store. Now, those that know me, know I don't cry almost ever. I do think, however, that a good cry is an excellent way to flush the system, so to speak. It brings a certain clarity. Today it was my silver lining. Enough said.

I love asking questions.

I was thinking about how I end up having, what feel like, intimate conversations with complete strangers. Many of the ones I have had seem like some of the best moments of my life. I always enjoy them regardless of their quality, length, or subject matter.

I am wondering if this could somehow work into my future.

A view from inside the tea house.

The Chinese garden...I highly encourage you to visit.

What happens when I don't take my camera to the bathroom with me.

A throwback...I had a Donny Osmond doll when I was little, but he didn't ride a flamingo.

Dr. and Mr. Portland at yummy dessert place.

Jillo drinks her coffee at the Mt. Tabor Cafe which ROCKS.

Homie A and a fast moving A-man at New Years.

"The Vessel" keeping her feet up and guarding our purses.

Homie A checking out her new accessories.

B asking if the "rubber cake" was really for him.

A-man checks out his "cawosew".

Another pin in the map.

I got back from Portland tonight, and I am pooped, but think I should get some of this typed out.

First, as always, I had a great time with Jillo. I think we wore each other out (two crazy women on different times zones...one a morning person, the other one not...one on vacation, the other one hard at work and in the midst of a revolution of thought about where to work and live). I just hope she'll get some rest and the work doesn't prove to exhausting.

I like Portland. It has some great old houses, cool shops and restaurants, and lots of outdoorsy stuff to do. It rained and rained and rained. Now, I don't mind rain, but I also like my sunshine. I quizzed just about everyone I could find about it. They are having a heavy rain winter, but not THAT heavy. :-) I am very interested to see what it is like there in the summer, as everyone agreed it is great. We checked out several of the shopping options (boy, that Xmas money doesn't last long!), and ate some great food. Portland is a "dress casual" for dining place, which is nice. I also got to use their public transport system. It was good, however the distances there are MUCH longer than SF, so things took longer and were a bit more expensive. Had good dinner and conversation with Dr. and Mr. Portland. It was SO nice to finally meet her, and she was SO nice! Makes me happy. I also took some time today to go to the traditional Chinese garden that they built five years ago. It is small, but VERY nice (really wanted the FILM camera as my digi took awful photos of it :-(). It is a lovely place to go in the rain, as water plops in the pond and dribbles off the tile roofs. I made my way around to the tea house. I was cold and wet, and when I walked in everything was warm and smelled like honey. It was perfect and I'm so glad I went. It didn't hurt there was a handsome smile served up with my most excellent tea (you can get some for yourself here.) After the only other couple in the place left, Mr. Tooyoung and I talked for almost an hour. I was compelled to, as I love getting to know people, but I also firmly believe tea should come with conversation (if available). It was a nice end to my visit, but I miss Jillo already. Must sleep now.

On my mind.

So, death is on my mind today. I was too hot in bed the other night and I had a dream that an acquaintance of mine killed himself, and I was at his wake. Then the miners died. It said in the news today that many of them wrote notes to their families explaining that they weren't suffering, merely going to sleep. I have thought about this same thing for years. If I knew I was about to die, I would like the opportunity to write a note or make a call to my loved ones. Hopefully, it will never come to that. Then J-bob's Great Aunt died. I hope all in his family are OK about it. Also, Ariel Sharon is on the verge of death, at least political death. I worry what this will mean for all those in the middle east, and can only hope that it will somehow create an opportunity for peace.

All that being said, we are busy making preparations for a new little life to join our clan in a few weeks. S is huge and getting bigger everyday. Poor thing, she's positive, but very uncomfortable. Just to remind everyone, girl name suggestions are welcomed. We are all very excited, but I find myself completely ignoring the fact. It is like a new movie coming out that I REALLY want to see, but am too busy, so it kind of doesn't exist until I'm actually sitting in the theater.

I have more to say, but am knee deep in year end paperwork, much of which must be dealt with before I leave for Portland tomorrow (SOOOOOO EXCITED!!).