Does anyone else think?

I'll admit it. I watch too much T.V. As a result, I see a lot of commercials. Raid has an ad out right now for a yellow jacket trap. They spend all sixty seconds going on and on about how the yellow jackets will die, DIE! Then, at the very end a voice comes on and says, "S.C. Johnson, a family company." Does anyone else think that is amusing, or at least odd?

Million Dollar view (we wish!)

The new porch in the rare June rain.

Yummy Maple!

Working up to it.

Well, Mammy and I have been here in the Sierra's having a gay old time. The work is still coming along, but still slowly. I feel like we are over the biggest part of the hump. The last day and a bit has been all about getting the hardwood laid in the big room. It is so beautiful, and it is SO nice to see it finally going in. It was one of the first things we started, so it has been a long time coming. It feels very odd to walk out of the hall and not step down.

Mammy and I have been playing our usual love/not so much love game. We are so much alike, that we drive each other crazy one minute, and then we can't get enough of each other the next. She, as always, makes me feel like a slacker with her crazy OCD energy. We have been having alot of fun in the evenings. We sit side by side, with our laptops going, watching Little House on the Prairie and As Time Goes By. We read each other bits of email, or odd news stories. We even had a "campfire" in the driveway one night (read brush fire). It is fun.

We were supposed to head back down the hill tonight, but we're pooped, and have a few more bits to do. I won't be back for a while, as I am off to TN/GA. I know it will be fun, but at the same time, I feel like I have to work up the energy to do it. However, I CANNOT WAIT to see the Upstairs Gang and the lovely CT. Going back to TN these days always raises the conundrum of whether or not I should try to see my Grandma. I love her, but seeing her is very hard for all involved parties. Any ideas?

I'm still amusing myself talking to certain gentlemen on line, but it sure would be nice to find a real, live one to hang out with. Mr. Urbane is off to the northeast, and I'm so glad...he really needs a break. I am also very proud of him, for he is always (in his own way) fighting the good fight.

More later.

Fire.

My stuff.

DMP, looking out for his next big thing.

See? JJ in print.

Mt. Tam en fuego.

Turning, turning, turning.

Sometimes I just plain over do it. The last week has been one of those times. I headed down the hill, escaping the stress and full of hopeful possibility.

The drive down was pretty good (I've done it so many times recently that I kind of slide into Zen Driver Mode). The Fam was full of sick people, so I headed straight into the city. I just happened to catch the sun burning a path through some clouds and down the back of Mount Tam. It was amazing.

I spent Friday putting around the apartment, doing lots of linens laundry left over from all my recent visitors. I then popped out for drinks and dinner with one of the dates. Nice fellow, but EH.

I couldn't sleep in on Saturday, so I dragged myself out of bed and off to JJ's 'hood. We were supposed to meet up for some breakfast at an unspecified time. I figured he'd been out the night before imbibing, so I was still giving him some slack after two text messages. I arrived on his doorstep and tried calling. No JJ. I wasn't quite ready to give up, and it was a beautiful SF day (I've got the sunburn to prove it), so I went to the corner for some coffee. I was sitting outside when a biker pulled up and said, "Can you watch my bike for a minute." I mumbled, "Sure." and looked at the bike. There was a big sticker right on it with JJ's last name. It was a sign. I was supposed to give him a few more minutes. The biker sat down with me to finish his coffee and chat a bit. Within minutes a very sleepy JJ called and told me to come on up. JJ's cat just died (a very sad thing!) so we chatted about this for a minute, then he said, "I'm off to shower. See if you can find anything funny in this." "This" was a Japanese men's fashion magazine called "Men's Fudge". Half way through, there was JJ sporting some rather nice Ralph Lauren. JJ, the Japanese super model. Too bad he didn't get to keep the clothes. We had breakfast and wandered around Valencia checking out the pirate store (I needed the final ingredient for Mr. Urbane's birthday present) and some antique places. It was oh so nice to walk and chat with a nice human. I then popped by the park to catch up with long lost DMP. Entirely too much hugging, but it was good to check in. I ran back home, put the finishing touches on Mr. Urbane's map, and met him at his place. We checked out a new place on Haight that was YUMMY! Everything about it was tasty and fun. On the way home he demonstrated just how relaxed he has gotten with me by sharing some bodily functions. How sweet!

Lunch with another date never happened on Sunday, but Mr Urbane called, and I was hungry, so off we went again. This time, we sinfully sat in a dark stinky bar instead of out in the park on yet another beautiful day. It was entertaining to see what he picked on the jukebox, and to watch him chit chat with the ladies. I got tired and headed home to get ready to hang out with DMP again. We walked and walked, had some good pizza, then he got grumpy when I explained I wasn't his "next big thing". Then I got horrified when he said he didn't like the Amelie character. Oh well.

Monday's date didn't happen, but I did get some much needed cleaning done, then some much needed slacking in. The whole weekend just made me feel like I was actually living in SF. Like I could actually meet and become friends with people. YAY!

I also spent some time chit chatting to the nice gentleman who filled me in on the rough time he is having. I do hope things start looking up for him.

Tuesday was all babies, with a bit of Tivoed Scrubs thrown in for good measure. I LOVE the babies! I didn't want to let them go, as they will be out of town for three weeks, and quite different upon their return.

I also got to see the Cuz's cute gang today on my way back up the hill. Boy oh boy do we have cute kids in this family.

Of course I arrived home to find a big stressful mess, but it will all work out.
Hope all of you are super!
Oh, and can I just say that Canadian fellow that is reporting on Missouri is so cool!

Strange Love.

Odd day. In a very peaceful mood. Spent most of the day sitting on the floor working on Mr. Urbane's birthday present. As a result, I traveled halfway across the country today and saw all kinds of new things. I hope he likes it and finds it inspiring.

I tried hard to be strong all day and resist the temptation of talking to a nice gentleman, but it got late and I lost all control. Now I can be very good and wait days and days to do it again.

The weather has been beautiful. Makes the SF fog very unappealing.

I seem to be unable to think beyond the next week or so. Maybe this is a good thing.

A few old friends have crawled out of the woodwork and some new ones have showed up. I must work very hard at trying to see them all.

I should really be in bed.

I feel much better. I've been trying to take care of myself. The house is progressing slowly, but surely. Best of all, the fam (or at least part of them) came up the hill this weekend and we got a lot of work done. Mammy and S worked very, very hard on the kitchen cleanup. Poor ladies, they both were so sweet and worked very hard on Mother's Day. Between the four of us, I feel like we got over a hump of some kind. It is so nice to have people that are willing to pick up the slack, and do some of the fiddly things that I just don't have the patience for.

I also feel much safer when other people are here. I think that's why I am still up. When I'm by myself it takes me longer to calm down and go to bed.

I also had a nice chat with a gentleman online tonight. I love funny people.

I should have been working on Mr. Urbane's B-day present, as his B-day is tomorrow, but I couldn't get settled enough to do it.

If the timing goes well, I could have as many as eight dates this coming weekend. It is too much, but I want to get it over with, then close out my online dating chapter. I would rather take the time and money and go live out in the real world and meet people that way. It will require me to be brave, but I KNOW I can do it. I hope you all are well. Thank you all for letting me get so negative and "vent-y"!

Why would I ever want to leave this?

Cacaphony.

It has been a while. Work up the hill has been stressful. So stressful the doctor gave me anti-stress pills. I think the most stressful part is the regular and intense feelings of disappointment I have. I have never suffered disappointment lightly, so to be feeling it almost all day, every day is very hard. I get mean. It just isn't that hard to do things correctly. That being said, it all makes my own feelings of self-worthlessness rise straight to the top.

I REALLY needed a break, and got one in the form of a few fun and exhausting days down the hill in the presence of my beloved CJ. She was in town for a conference, as were many of her colleagues and former classmates. There was lots of fun to be had, and many a cute fellow to see. I finally got to meet the spectacular Big T, and she is super. I realized how much socializing I HAVEN'T been doing. I also realized how nice it is to be flirted with by younger men. The weather has been beautiful, and I had such a great time. I was in a great mood on my drive back up the hill. Unfortunatly I haven't been able to maintain it. Too many disappointment were waiting for me. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I have very little left to my rope. I just want this process over with NOW!!! I want to be back in the land of the living, where my babies and loved ones are.

Runaway Bride.

I was asked again today why I’m not married. I was asked in the “I think you’re great, how come you haven’t been snapped up” kind of way. Well, that’s great. I really am glad that some people think I’m appealing, but ultimately it makes me mad. These days I usually give the excuse “I’m picky.” I am. I’m too scared and scarred not to be. People, including myself, are not always very careful with the hearts of others. Carelessness so often leads to things being broken. The same person also made a comment that equated to “You’re tough, for a girl.” An hour later a different man was attempting to manage me, trying to convince me that my insistence on extreme care was unnecessary.

When I find a man that doesn’t try to manage me, that takes great care with me, that realizes I’m strong as spider webs and just as delicate, that will hold my hand in the dark hours, and tell me stories to escape into, then I will marry (or not). I just hope I will be and do all those things for him.

This is what happens when the TV breaks and I lose my Netflix movies.

Using software to edit.

The falls.

All Joy.

Too long.

Things have been just plain nutty and stressful. That being said, all is good. The Upstairs Gang has landed safe and sound. The house is coming along, though we've gone over budget and must finish ASAP. Time is moving fast, but I think my upcoming goals are approachable. I have strange moments of feeling hopeless and apocalyptical, but I'm hoping it is just too much bad food.

I kind of feel like the calm in the storm.

I cannot wait to see my CJ!!