Cacaphony.

It has been a while. Work up the hill has been stressful. So stressful the doctor gave me anti-stress pills. I think the most stressful part is the regular and intense feelings of disappointment I have. I have never suffered disappointment lightly, so to be feeling it almost all day, every day is very hard. I get mean. It just isn't that hard to do things correctly. That being said, it all makes my own feelings of self-worthlessness rise straight to the top.

I REALLY needed a break, and got one in the form of a few fun and exhausting days down the hill in the presence of my beloved CJ. She was in town for a conference, as were many of her colleagues and former classmates. There was lots of fun to be had, and many a cute fellow to see. I finally got to meet the spectacular Big T, and she is super. I realized how much socializing I HAVEN'T been doing. I also realized how nice it is to be flirted with by younger men. The weather has been beautiful, and I had such a great time. I was in a great mood on my drive back up the hill. Unfortunatly I haven't been able to maintain it. Too many disappointment were waiting for me. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I have very little left to my rope. I just want this process over with NOW!!! I want to be back in the land of the living, where my babies and loved ones are.